Shall we blame David for Amnon’s sin?
The example David set was one of uncontrolled desire. We know the names of seven women he married and that does not include the unnamed concubines. He was not beyond taking another man’s wife to feed his sexual appetite. So who could blame Amnon?
My mother used to say: “Every tub sits on its own bottom.” The proverb means: you are responsible for you. No matter what the example, no one is allowed to shift the blame for poor behavior to someone else. You are responsible for you . . . and Amnon was responsible for Amnon.
Sex is a powerful stimulant, often likened to cocaine in psychological journals. It produces feelings of satisfaction and well-being, but when it is accessed frequently, it takes more and different sexual experiences to achieve the same results. This was the road Amnon was traveling. One of the things that made the “rush” so desirable was not just her beauty, but Tamar’s “forbiddenness.” He would not be the last person to make himself ill with desire.
You should notice something here: Amnon is the eldest of David’s sons. He is the heir apparent to the throne. Not only does he disgrace his half-sister by his behavior and abuse her with his violation, but ultimately he loses his inheritance over the matter and Absolom takes his place.
It’s the “forbidden fruit in the garden” story all over again. The only way to deal with it is, really, to just say no. Remove accessibility to the temptation. Ask God’s help. Confess your weakness to someone you trust and ask them to help hold you accountable. The alternative is life ruining – and perhaps not just your own.